Just reminded of the famous Ajit, Geeta Bali, Pran, Chandrasekhar movie with Naushad music, and the song ‘Tasveer Banata Hoon’ written by Khumar Barabankvi sung by Talat Mahmood. I sat near the white marble statue of bathing lady, half naked, under a huge mango tree that was in blossom and Baradari was full of fragrance of mango flowers. It was a booming season, February to April, even a sadhvi and sadhu would need a companion, living alone is difficult for a human being, most romances start this season. If not permanent, temporary romances blossom.
I am unable to paint, create, or make my picture, decision of finding a way to live. Civil engineering a four year long ordeal, give tuition and tuition, exam grades tension, and then job tension. What would parents feel, say or shout, if I quit my engineering college. They were expecting a bumper crop but had no plans to invest. But where the hell is money to survive, during first year of civil engineering half of the animals were sold, Surendra was asked to work in fields and farm-labor was given a bye.
Surendra's education was sacrificed, most animals were sold, and still there was no hope for me. A four year long course, marriage was already fixed at 20. Marriage means I will be forced to have a child at 21. What a situation it was? At stake was a civil engineering career from Thapar University Patiala, which was becoming now impossible with a rural illiterate girl’s burden on shoulders. When my father was not in a position to feed me through my education but he wanted to me marry and carry a lady as my wife. How will I feed two people? Oh my god, it was getting heavier and heavier on my head.
I thought I cannot comprehend the confused situation alone. I had a few close persons. RSS Pracharak of Patiala Shri Santoshji, who was also a civil engineering graduate from Thapar and had devoted four years of his life to RSS as a full time worker, I discussed with Santoshji, and sought his direction. People always know that given direction amounts to taking responsibility. Santoshji used to help me to overcome temporary money needs. He had introduced me to Mohanji of ‘Mohan General Stores’ at Anardana Chowk the RSS treasurer, to lend me money anytime I wanted. Later Mohan ji was assassinated by Sikh extremists in his shop on busiest market of Patiala. Santoshji suggested me to go back to my village and work there. I was not in congruence with him. I thought as I am loosing my value for him or RSS, engineering student becoming an unemployed married UP wala! Santoshji appeared to be washing his hands off me, in true RSS style.
RSS or any organisation needs you when you do not need any help. A rich person would be respectfully made ‘Chief Guest’ at any function and praised while a regular shakha swayamsewak will be used to serve him water, ‘he is our respected guest’ respected my foot, becauqe he is rich and influencial. Santoshji's family had migrated from Pakistan during ’47 (refugee) and settled in Delhi. (After one and half year when I was studying at Panjab University Campus in Chandigarh, Santoshji was also shifted by RSS to Chandigarh, Santoshji used to visit me, and I will always insist him for lunch, dinner, as per the time, we were like close family members.
After 3 months of this routine, one day he made me sit over coffee in the student centre’s Coffee House, behind library and asked why you always take him to eat, whenever he visits me but never attend Shakha. He referred that I was so popular in the University and also a trained (prashikshit) pratigyabaddha (taken Oath) swayamsewak, you should take charge of University Shaka as Karyawah. I never took part in RSS activities till he was in charge of Chandigarh as RSS pracharak. He joined Border Roads as an engineer and left. I never felt sad for his moving away. I could guess my neglecting him became difficult for him to live with. Though Chandigarh is a vast area, and lots of RSS workers, sympathizers, organizations, functions that he was managing all that, even we BJP had an ex-MP in Chandigarh also, as they have now an ex-MP. It is usual in RSS that when someone devotes four years he normally spends 7-8 years as pracharak and sometimes it could go for life as well. But in Santoshji's case he left after 4 years.
I feel now, that his suggestion to me that I should return back to village in UP could have been practical for him, based on the information I gave him. I could never narrate him my aspirations. We take some decisions based on our financial situation and some based on aspiration. I admit that most decisions I take, are based on my aspiration and not on my financial level. Then I talked to my room mate my senior Sardarji also, his suggestion was like complete your studies what is the need of marriage now.
May be I wanted to have all.
Vijay knew my 'Baradari' situation, means many ways which lead me nowhere, at least not to the destination I wanted to go, becoming an engineer keeping every other thing intact, practically unpractical. Vijay asked me to accompany her for an evening walk on the roads of model town. We sat, on a bench, near local-bus stop, bit isolated from the crowd around us. Her parents never had any issue about our intimacy with Vijay, as my father has had. Sitting on that decision bench, our talks were not going smooth. We had differing cultural perspectives and backgrounds. She was not ready to believe that my marriage will be taking place at 20, she repeated again and again “Minder, I cannot believe it, you are telling us a lie or you are assuming things. You do not want to work hard, study hard and you are making a fuss to cover up your poor grades”. She was concerned, she was with me, but she felt that I am week some where and her chiding me would do the job. This was our first focused discussion on an issue concerning any either of us. (Though, later many occasions came when her boy friend ditched her for some one else and we cried together in Dehrdun, rose garden Chandigarh and Mughal garden Pinjore, and I had to be with her in crises.) The political topics concerning RSS and Congress were debated among us quite often and routenly. She was a congress (Indira Gandhi) sympathizer and I was a known RSS honcho. We ended up with 'let us agree to disagree' type truce.
Next day morning I saw her going out of her home very early, before she goes to her office. Her cycle was still resting with wall. Bijee, her mother, was in their home’s back courtyard and we were also in our back court yard. Model Town bungalows had hardly any boundary wall, neighbors could talk, cross over boundaries for chit chat easily. My room mate Sardarji asked Bijee, "Bijee, aa Vijay saware saware kithe turi" where has Vijay gone so early, 'Kendi see Minder vaste koine milana seega". She was telling that she has gone to meet someone about Mahendra. She had gone to head of human resources of State Bank of Patiala, to explore a job for me.
Those days Bank recruitment was not so procedure bound as it is today. Branch Managers had powers to employ graduates on temporary basis for three months, when vacancies were announced, these temporary employees were regularized first, duly following procedure. A senior manager in HO working at ‘The Mall Road office’ of SBoP had vast powers and resources.
The HO of State Bank of Patiala is situated on the Mall road of Patiala that connects Railway station to the Phul Chowk (it should be Mahatma Gandhi Road in other towns). When you walk from railway station towards Phul Chowk, there is lake or big pond, next to lake is very famous and revered Kaali Mata Mandir, adjacent to Kali Temple is HO. SBoP senior officials are devotees of Kali Mata and the pujari of Kali Mata is very close to them, he was close to the Sharma family as well. Through Kali Mata Pujari Vijay's elder sister Prem Lata Sharma joined SBoP, Dharam Pal and Vijay also joined. Vijay joined very recently. However this favor was restricted to family members only.
I do not know what Vijay thought after our evening walk discussions and what she decided, I was not thinking. I only knew that my situation is not understood by anyone including her. People around me are unable to understand the situation in its entirety. The time frame for decision variables was different. Engineering education was a four year long process, needed continuous flow of one hundred rupees every month, after marriage it will become more than two hundred for one year and then it would become 250 to 300 when a child arrives. Where would be time to study, when I will be in final year of my engineering graduation my child will go to school? I will drop him to school on my way to engineering college class. And it was not easy to have a 'present value' of these variables. How to compare all these decision variables and calculate? Some variables were not even worth considering.
I was not keen to know what Vijay was doing and why. About Vijay we all knew that she was in relationship with a boy, a medical student, son of the Doctor where her father worked for long time and both families lived in the same compound of hospital in Malerkotala, for many years. It was a childhood friendship turned into love leading to marriage at an appropriate time. Her boy friend used to visit her, his retired parent doctor family also came there occasionally. There was absolutely nothing that anyone could expect from Vijay those days. It was merely her (expression of) good helping nature that she was running around to help me as she felt right. There were no land lines during those days; the appointment was not prefixed, so gentleman had already left for Kali Mandir when our lady reached his home. She returned and went to her office on her small ladies’ cycle.
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